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Voice-actors’ demand compensation for “cult of celebrity”
The National Union of Voice-Actors (NUVA) has today announced its plans to seek compensation in a tribunal court for the destruction of their trade by overpaid celebrities with little or no command of the oratory skills necessary to front a national ad campaign.
“It’s a disgrace, we used to be considered artists - now most of us can’t even afford to shop in Morrisons. And we’re all just basically tired of queuing up in Lidel for their well marketed, yet thoroughly disappointing, produce.” Said Malcolm Stevenson, head of the Voice-Actors Union.
Stevenson, who was once the voice of Nescafe’s now seminal 1980s coffee-saga string of adverts, now works freelance doing advert voiceovers for small internet start-up companies.
According to national figures, the number of out of work voice-actors has increased dramatically since 2001.
At present there are approximately 123,437 out of work voice-actors (VA’s) in the UK. A 237 per cent increase since 1987 - the official “golden-era” of the voice-acting craft.
Once famed as the voice of Nescafe and Touchstone VHS home video trailers, Stevenson now works irregular and underpaid hours as what he calls, “merely a speaker”.
“I feel like a whore,” said Stevenson.
“It used to be an art form, it was about precision, timing and enunciation. Now it’s just some jabbering twat like Russell Brand or Cheryl Cole slurring their way through 30 seconds of hellish advertising - and, they don’t even need the money, that’s the ultimate F*$k you off it all!” Said Stevenson.
He added: “I can’t understand a word Cheryl Cole says either - is she Scottish or something? I mean, don’t get me wrong, she’s attractive but does she need to steal our work... our art form... our livelihoods, can’t she just make a sex tape or something?”
In a frank interview with The Waterboarder Stevenson described how one of his closest, and most talented friends, David Rifton-Warner, became so desperate with the lack of work available on account of the 'cult-of-celebrity' that he resorted to taking on the persona of Barry Scott for the now infamous Cillit-Bang commercials.
Sadly, Rifton-Warner hung himself in late 2009.
"We now refer to Cillit-Bang as 'Death Juice, after what it did to David."
According to advertising experts the NUVA’s case is laughable and has little or no chance of making it into any courtroom.
“People, including advertisers, like celebrities. Therefore, we get celebrities to endorse our products, Said Jasper Grimsaw, head of Global Media Solutions.
“We’re interested in selling stuff, and in a competitive market place the best way to do that is get some celebrities onboard - Davina, Russell Brand, hell, even Grant Bovey, it’s all the same to me,” added Grimsaw.
The NUVA meets tomorrow to finalise its case which it hopes to bring before a tribunal in the summer.
Kelsey Grammer has offered his support and has undertaken the duty of raising awareness in America about the senseless destruction of the voice-actor's craft. He is scheduled to appear on Oprah next month.
“As a man who is first a voice and then an actor, I feel personally linked to their plight. I will do all I can to aid their neglected art form,” Said Grammer in a statement earlier today.
